I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
