That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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