Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
