i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
