its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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