I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
