I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize