I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
