I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize