Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
