Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
