tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
