Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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