2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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