Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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