if i can run in heels then i can drive
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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