She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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