I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
