my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
