If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
