"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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