I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
