I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
