onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Less talking, more tequila
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize