these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
