Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
