Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
