We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize