tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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