hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
