why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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