watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
