He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
