saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
