Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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