do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
