Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
honey bunches of taint.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
