we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
