the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You are the jesus of drinking
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
