I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
