Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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