I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
