You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
