Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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