Im at strip club and am horny
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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