Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
