look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
