there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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