Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
