I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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