Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
