debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
