According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
