Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
