I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I believe in your delicious
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
