Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
