how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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