I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
