I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
