Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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