Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
