At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
