I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
