just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
