i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
