Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize