I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
