Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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