You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
