You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
