god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
