I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
