somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
