he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
