so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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